There is something going on with me lately, friends, and I bet you can relate. As baby girl gets older and I tiptoe out of the cave-like season that is caring for a newborn, I'm eager for action. I have ideas about what to do with my time (even how to energize this blog!) and as I think about them they get more exciting and generate more ideas and I feel life and color rising up inside of me. The wheels begin turning faster and dreams bubble up and float into bright sky like beautiful balloons.
And then I look up. I see the mess on the floor and hear the whining of my children and... CRASH. The shining spiral disappears into thin air. It was unrealistic, says my inner cynic. Silly. And so I stuff the hopes and go about my routine, a little sadder than before and if I'm honest, a little more resentful, too.
But it isn't my kids' fault. In fact, it has nothing to do with having children.The problem lies within me and it's name is fear. Fear of failure, fear of compromising the time and attention I give my children, fear that I just can't handle doing more. It sounds like a lot of very practical excuses, but inside, it feels like hitting a brick wall. It leaves me sad, believing that I'm stuck, and a bit bruised from the impact.
In a sermon last week, our pastor said that one can tell whether they are being motivated by fear or faith by asking this: am I moving? Faith necessarily moves us; fear paralyzes. So true, isn't it? And so, in an effort to combat fear, to pursue life and color and adventure as I constantly encourage my precious children to (the irony!), this week I have decided to commit myself to movement. And faith. I hope you'll see some evidence--thanks for cheering me forward!
In a sermon last week, our pastor said that one can tell whether they are being motivated by fear or faith by asking this: am I moving? Faith necessarily moves us; fear paralyzes. So true, isn't it? And so, in an effort to combat fear, to pursue life and color and adventure as I constantly encourage my precious children to (the irony!), this week I have decided to commit myself to movement. And faith. I hope you'll see some evidence--thanks for cheering me forward!
xo.
p.s. What do you think of this? Are you moving in the face of your fears, too? I'd like to think there are others in this with me:)
Graphic found here, apparently via Valentina Design.
dear elis,
ReplyDeletei know those feelings, friend. my prayers are being sent down to ATL for you and your babes. i still feel this way about wanting to be creative, to make, and yet i have to clean up, to feed, to wash, to drive, to answer questions, to referee. its moment by moment, asking for daily bread. this lent i am trying to take time to spend with Jesus, just a quiet moment before they wake up. we mamas are all in a different season with our kids, so that may not be what you do. but i know that every word that you live by and live on from the Word will feed your soul and be enough.
all my love,
esther
Thanks so much for the sweet words and the encouragement, friend. You're right--prayer and time reading the Bible make a HUGE difference with regard to my peace about all of this. Little prayers in the shower and taking my own time outs to pray and read and study. For me, many of those prayers are for faith to overcome the fears that say I just can't manage anything else right now. To DO what I can joyfully and trust God's loving management of the outcome and timing. Hope you're well!
DeleteFirst let me say I was so happy to see new posts from you in my reader feed! I have been following you for some time, but have yet to comment til now, I think :)
ReplyDeleteYou are certainly not alone in these feelings! Perhaps it's not surprising that I feel like you expressed my thoughts perfectly - I have a 4 month old baby girl and two sweet little boys aged almost-2 and almost-4.
Know that you have happy thoughts and prayers coming at you from Chicago - and I will be "holding hands" with you on this journey if you don't mind ;)
Farrell
Not only do I not mind, I treasure it! We really are in a similar place, huh? Thank you for your prayers, Farrell--I look forward to journeying with you:).
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