Well. It's been awhile, hasn't it, friends? Three and a half months between posts is not exactly the timeline of a healthy blog! The truth is, I wasn't quite sure that I would come back here at all--life has changed in so many ways this year that I doubted I could ever find enough margin to make it a priority again. And perhaps I won't. But lately I've really missed writing to you all. And the sense of both catharsis and connection that comes from being vulnerable about this funny phase of life. So I'm going to try to come back from time to time, or maybe more, or whatever the days allow.
So how have you been? I couldn't begin to update you on nearly four months of our family's life in one post (and you couldn't begin to read it, I'm sure!), so instead let me tell you what's happening now. We're in a season that is both beautiful and profoundly exhausting. Baby girl is nearly seven months old, Big Brother is waiting for his sixth birthday with bated breath, and Little Brother is a bounding, shouting, curious three and a half year old. The house is full. Jim is working nearly constantly and shouldering tremendous stress at work, but blessed (and I say that sincerely, not because it sounds polite) to have a job that fascinates and fulfills him. I am a bit like an emotional ping pong ball, moving at spectacular speed between moments where I see how full and precious our days are and other, longer moments, when I feel isolated, tired, and frustrated by what seems an incapacity to do anything but care for home and family. On Saturday night, I flew into a rage when I discovered that someone had dismantled a basket of laundry that I worked for two hours to fold. But today, I laid on the floor with my sweet baby and my youngest son and laughed with joy at the gift of my freedom to snuggle with them at a moment's notice. It's a time when the speed and the demands of life are bringing a lot of our inner mess to the surface, and when, if we step back and look, we can see God slowly changing us in really good ways. So if I'm honest, I'll say that I'm tired, angry, and thankful all at once. It's not a very straightforward thing to be a human, is it?
There are other things, too. Kindergarten and basketball, a DIYed "fortress" in the backyard and more recently, a deck rebuilding project (these are both the work of my husband). Karate, wiggly teeth and first teeth, hair bows, family hikes, and one child who, it shocks me to say, can actually read and write. Also ear infections, a small arsenal of medical supplies, battles of the heart, financial stress...all the normal stuff. It's in the mundane that the beauty and the humor emerges. Here's hoping that I'll see it and share it here more.
I'm a little better these days at updating Instagram. If you're interested in following along, I'm elisabethirwin.